Baby Moose’s submersible

Indeed, the next day had a fabulous surprise waiting for Baby Moose. He had been rather sad that he could not go for Friday’s night dive since Taitti still had not gotten him his dive gear. It had all been just empty promises. (”Bitch!” says Baby Moose)

On Friday night Baby Moose was introduced to its latest toy – which was almost better than dive gear. Taitti had bought Baby Moose a submersible. The submersible engine had some trouble so it was a really good deal. Baby Moose would therefore need to go diving together with Taitti, clipped on her BCD. That did not bother bay Moose much as the submersible was just the perfect size for Baby Moose who could push his big nose against the cabin window and watch the sealife floating past. On his first night dive Baby Moose saw a cowrie shell, a cuttlefish and an octopus. Woohoo! Now Moose can go diving while waiting for its own dive gear.

Submersible front view

...and rear view. Moose is comfy in its submersible.

 Moose saw plenty of things on its first night dive, like cuttlefish, a tiny little shrimp on a sea urchin, a cowrie shell and an octopus! This diving thing is really quite cool, thinks Moose.

Cuttlefish

Cowrie shell on leather soft coral

Baby Moose commits suicide (heavily assisted – it’s almost like murder)

Baby Moose had a lovely day on Thursday. It had been a little disappointed with the CCC mission and it thought all the people here are all evil and not being nice to Baby Moose at all. Baby Moose was also missing the city lights, the clubbing, his friend Patrick Starfish – and almost even being abused by Man in  Black (well, not really but the barbeque where he met MiB was pretty good, in particular Anders’s hasselbacka potatos).

However, Thursday was looking like a fantastic day. Baby Moose found a giant spider on the wall and just to annoy Taitti (who is terribly scared of big spiders) needed to go and have a closer look and get Taitti to take a photo of him with the spidey. Unfortunately Taitti would not go close enough to the spidey to get a decent photo with Baby Moose’s new friend.

Biggy Spidey

Moose with Spidey friend

After meeting Mr Spider Baby Moose went to practice Fred the Fish puppet play. Baby Moose thinks that all the rest of the actors were completely useless muppets and only Baby Moose did a good job with playing his role as Fred the Fish’s teddybear. The role is actually not in the cast but Baby Moose convinced the CC education officer that Fred the Fish absolutely needs a teddybear. What else could a lonely anemonefish need if he is living all on his own and is terribly lonely? Baby Moose was a little annoyed that Fred still went off looking for someone to live with – and then got himself in trouble with that stonefish too. Oh dear. He should have just taken Baby Moose’s advise and moved to the city. Gareth also had some suggestions for improvements for this chidlren’s play which included adding new characters such as Peter the Pedofile Pufferfish, Barry the Bi-curious Blenny, Harry the Homosexual Hermit Crab, Randy the Rapey Wrasse, Gareth the Groping Grouper and Percy the Penetrating Pipefish. What fabulous additions for a puppet play to be shown for children under 10 years old! Baby Moose does not quite understand all this censorship – must be another weird Coral Cay rule.

Baby Moose and Fred the Fish

After the Fred the Fish practice Baby Moose had a nice dinner and went to chill out on the porch. He made yet another new friend on Thursday. He met a little crab on the porch and got in a discussion over meaning of life. Just little things soft toys and crabs talk about over a beer. The conversation was unexpectedly interrupted by CCC science officer Petchy who obviously though it would be a good idea to eat both Baby Moose and his new friend the little crab. Would you take science and conservation lessons from a man who tries to devour a crab and a Moose? (whilst sitting on a porch that's only 10 meters away froma  marine protected area?)

Moose and crabby

Petchy eating Moose

Things only got worse when Baby Moose’s new arch enemy Randy Bumgardener showed up. (Occasionally he also uses the name “Jon” – that is when he wants to hide his true identity). Baby Moose had managed to dodge every time Gareth had got any closer to him but it was totally a lost game for baby Moose when Randy and his assistant the Mimic Filipino turned up with that scary pencil. Baby Moose’s backside was on the firing line again.

Randy Bumgardener violating Baby Moose

Happy rapist. He looks so pleased with himself raping Moose.

After that Baby Moose was just so terribly depressed it considered hanging itself. Randy Bumgardener and his Mimic Filipino assistant immediately handed over a cable tie for Baby Moose and reassured him that done correctly hanging is a painless and quick route to the underworld where Baby Moose would be a lot happier. They even helped Moose up on the door handle (as Moose again was too small to reach all the way up there which made him feel even more miserable in this World of the Big Humongous People). So Baby Moose tied the cable tie around his neck – and jumped.

Moose ends it all

Luckily Taitti got there on time, resuscitated Baby Moose and brought him back to the living while Mimic Filipino was laughing at Baby moose and taking pictures of his misery. Not a very great way to end the day but at least baby Moose was saved and back with the living. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day. 

Moose being resuscitated

Baby Moose’s field trip to San Francisco village

Baby Moose arrived at Coral Cay base with Taitti on the 6^th of October. Moose did not like the long drive down from Tacloban but was rather entertained by the driver who was singing along to the 80s music he was playing for the duration of the journey.

Upon arrival to camp Baby Moose was little disappointed he was not assigned his own bed and room but was put in the same room with Taitti. Luckily there was also one more person in the room so Baby Moose did not need to put up with Taitti alone. After a while Baby Moose did think though that perhaps just Taitti would have been better than this new roommate who seemed to think she knows everything about corals and Coral Cay because she had been on the Coral Cay Fiji expedition for half a year 9 years a go …. She also seemed to find lots of faults in how all things at the base were organised.

Baby Moose chilling out on the porch

Baby Moose enjoying an early morning by the sea

The first morning Baby Moose enjoyed breakfast with Neasa. Baby Moose likes Neasa. Besides, Neasa is a nurse so maybe Moose could also teach her some moose medicine over the four weeks that Neasa and her husband Mike will be here in Napantao base.

Baby Moose did not need to miss the Man in Black either. Mr Gareth from Wales (who has got a very big mouth and talks almost as much crap as our youngest, Danish expedition member Jakob) very quickly proved to Baby Moose that he is about as capable as moose abuse as the Man in Black.

Moose getting abused by Gareth the Groping Grouper

 Baby Moose has attended classes on corals, fish and invertebrates and even learned about some silly algaes but he has not done any dives yet.  Baby Moose has no dive equipment and is very disappointed that Taitti did not buy him any before coming to Philippines because Coral cay does not stock dive gear for smaller size individuals. Perhaps Baby Moose can convince Taitti to make him his own set of dive gear so he can go diving too. To be honest, Baby Moose is not too keen on this diving stuff anyway because in Baby Moose’s opinion CCC have lots of silly rules. Baby Moose has no intention of pulling around an awkward SMB throughout a dive. “Losers”, says baby moose, “Get entangled and I shall laugh.” Baby Moose can however accommodate to the mask&snorkel wearing rule because Baby Moose thinks it would just be so much fun to have a mask&snorkel in his size that he can wear them even when he sleep if he gets them. Now, how does one make a moose sized mask&snorkel? If anyone knows, please tell Taitti so she can make Baby Moose a dive gear kit.

Eventually after all this time sitting at the spider infested base Baby Moose needed to get out and decide to go for a field trip to San Francisco village nearby. Having gotten permission from the Coral Cay prison camp chief guard Joe to leave the premises under the surveillance of one of the junior prison guards Tracey, Baby Moose got all ready for a little walk to the local village to buy some supplies and plan for the Great Escape.

Baby Moose ready for the prison escape

On the way Baby Moose bravely crossed a river, had a nice little rest on a tree trunk (mind you, it was a really warm day and Baby Moose got exhausted) made some friends with the locals doing their Sunday laundry in the river and also met with the mighty buffalos. Mighty buffalos were perhaps a little bigger than Baby Moose but Baby Moose still quite liked their company. Friendly buffalos invited baby Moose to join them for a nice, cooling afternoon dip in the river but Baby Moose was a little tight on time to get to the village and check out the local vibes so he told the buffalos he will come back the week after for another bath.

Water, buffalos and locals on the way to San Fran village

Eventually Baby Moose got in the village but having seen the number of kids in the streets he decided to hide in Taitti’s backpack and not come out. One of those little monsters (whom Taitti dared to call cute) might even like Baby Moose and take him home. Baby Moose has no plans of getting stuckin this little village for a longer time. Although the prison camp in Napantao is rather basic, at least there will be the blue cheese that Lea bought from Cebu waiting for Baby Moose.  San Fran only had yucky cheese whizz and a boring little internet café. Sigh. Back to the prison camp then, and to being abused by Gareth.

All those kids

Baby Moose decided to write his blog to feel a little better about being in the prison. Internet connection in the Copral Cay prison is rather limited but Baby Moose doe snot need a USB wireless connection because Baby Moose has got his magic horns that can communicate even with outer space. It's like a satelite connection but just better.

Baby Moose blogging with his magic horns internet connection

Baby Moose in Manila

In October our favourite world traveller Baby Moose's found himself in Manila. As a matter of fact right spank in the middle of the red light district in Makati. Baby Moose is quite good at picking hotels in the best areas of town where all the action takes place - particularly now that he has been taught the basics of sex by The Man in Black. Baby Moose did not have time to check out the joints in the red light district though because he was too busy trying to keep up with preparations for the coral conservation project that Taitti is going on.

On the first night Baby Moose had some drinks with Ting and her friends and got acquintanced with San Miguel. Actually, Baby Moose has decided to abandon the liking for the national beer of Texas (sorry, Ken!) and sport San Miguel Light instead.

Baby Moose's San Miguel, Ting's lychee martini and Taitti's crappy cosmo.

The next day Baby Moose spent a good while at Greenbelt shopping mall. Not exactly a very original place but very comfy, says Baby Moose. They did no sell clothes in his size though, like they did in Peru, so that part they would need to improve on. Next time Baby Moose will fill in a customer feedback form and demand for better service for the smaller sized travellers. Don't forget us midgets!

After the shopping tour Baby Moose was a little tired so he sat down at Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf to share a vanilla latte with Taitti and study coral reefs.

Baby Moose focusing on identifying ascidians and enjoying his coffee

Later that night Baby Moose enjoyed some pink bubbles and tapas with Ting at the Spanish restaurant and wine bar in Greenbelt 3.

Baby Moose Loses His Innocence

This blog post will definitely have explicit content and not be suitable for children. Starring: The Man in Black as Mr EVIL and Hugo and Charlie as The Bodyguards and Saving Angels. Doctor Kathy also turns up at Jaggi;s and we see some fast cars at the F1 night race.

This is a story of how poor Baby Moose went to a barbeque on what seemed to be a normal Saturday afternoon, how he got raped by The Man in Black, still made it to the F1 night race (qualifying race only but still...), went to see Doctor Kathy the next day - and how he met Patrick Starfish. It was not love. It was a really good shag.

Baby Moose turned up at Andreas's house for the lovely barbeque he had organised. The party started as a a nice get together with Baby Moose observing Anders prepare some delicious hasselbacka potatoes - just like back home in Finland! Taitti was also preparing some boring salad but baby Moose thought Anders's cooking was much better.

Baby Moose just loved the Lone Star beer Ken had bought some time back. Baby Moose doe snot understand why everyone else thought it tastes like dishwashing water. It was Baby Moose's first beer in Singapore and he was very unimpressed that he was told he doe snot know anything about beer. Baby Moose is almost a cowboy (he has been in Austin) so he knows about alcohol despite his young age and Baby Moose says the national beer of Texas is the best beer in the whole wide world. Amen.



Then things got a little tricky. Mr Evil got his hands on Baby Moose. Poor Baby. The Man in Black was very explicit about his intentions to f*** Baby Moose in the a**. He also demonstrated on Baby Moose how this is done. Oh God.

Mr Pedofile looking innocent after his evil deeds.

Baby Moose fainted after being raped by Leon..."Where is my beer?" asks Baby Moose. Poor Baby... No beer.... 

Taitti quickly hired Hugo and Charlie as Baby Moose's bodyguards. Hugo considered it to be wisest to attach Baby Moose to his ear so that he is protected from The Man in Black.

Hugo's moose earring

T: "What are you doing to my Moose?" H: "Channeling psychic energy"

After getting some new energy from Hugo Baby Moose put the tricks he had learned from Leon in use. Vickie's bunny is pretty goodlooking...

"Hello HoneyBunny!"

Bunny did not even wake up. Baby Moose clearly needs some more practise with chatting up the ladies.

Vickie hardly paid attention to Moose making advances to her bunny. Vickie was too busy makeing advances on another bunny.

 After his shocking experiences at the barbeque Baby Moose needed some serious entertainment and stole Ken's F1 pass and handed it over to Taitti.

Baby Moose ready for F1 race

Baby Moose enjoying the race and Alonso gaining a pole position for Sunday night's race.

On Sunday night Baby Moose did not want to go to F1. It was kind of entertaining and nice but Baby Moose had an important appointment with Doctor Kathy who would help him recover from the shock caused by The Man in Black.

Moose arrives at Jaggi's

Baby Moose quite likes Indian food although the beef at the barbeque was a whole lot better than the spinach. Moose are real meat eaters and like beef. Cows belong on the table, not on the streets in India.

Jaggi's only had Tiger beer and Kingfisher so Baby Moose settled for a masala tea. No Lone Star tonight, sigh. Need to talk to Ken about this.

Baby Moose was sipping his tea and waiting for his turn to talk to Doctor Kathy who had just come back from a healing trip in Malaysia. Doctor Kathy is a real jungle doctor and often visits the Malaysian rainforests for some inspiration, and sometimes even collects secret ingredients and deadly venoms at the bottom of the sea.

Doctor Kathy examines Baby Moose

Doctor Kathy is shocked by the mental and physical damage inflicted upon poor Baby Moose by The Man in Black

Not even Doctor Kathy could help Moose. Unfortunately Doctor Kathy had to pronounce Baby Moose as perverted creature beyond repair. And that's when Baby Moose was introduced to Patrick Starfish.

It was not love at first sight...

But Patrick sure liked Baby Moose a lot...

The two boys got along really well...

It seemed Patrick may also have been taking lessons from The Man in Black

Eventually things got a little messy

Yes, it is true. Baby Moose has been turned into a monster by The Man in Black. Baby Moose even insisted on meeting The Man in Black in Ice Cold Beer the week after and despite the fact that he again got abused by him, Baby Moose only decided to declare his love to The Man in Black. There is no photographic evidence of this unfortunate event  and even if there was we would not publish any evidence of a the loving relationship between the two perverted creatures. The Man in Black has ruined Baby Moose. We shall see whether Baby Moose can still be cured. Maybe a few months in the Philippines by a coral reef will prove out to be a healing experience?